I really like this Canadian anti-sexual assault campaign.

Judging from internet discussions whenever the topic comes up in the media, there are a lot of men out there who genuinely view the notion of ”consent” to be a not-so-veiled attack on their liberty. This is especially true in - although not exclusive to - Australia, where alcohol plays a big role in courtship culture.

“What do you mean I can’t have sex with drunk girls?” they ask in horror. “What if a drunk girl comes on to me, I have sex with her, and the next day she says it was rape?”

They’re missing the point. There’s a big difference between sharing a couple of glasses of wine on a date - or flirting with someone who’s had a few vodka mixers at a club - and deliberately pursuing someone who is stumbling around wasted or passed out on the couch, as above. People who have consumed alcohol are capable of consenting, people who have consumed alcohol to the point where they black out or can’t communicate cannot.

Not the mention that people who commit sexual assault in situations like the one pictured above tend to do it on more than one occasion:

In Lisak’s 2002 study, and supported by the findings of McWhorter (2009) amongst navy personnel, these repeat offenders also admitted to seeking out victims who they knew would be unwilling rather than attempting to date women who probably would be willing – it was the unwillingness that they found appealing. As long as the researchers didn’t use the actual word “rape”, these men were willing to talk about the many ways they deliberately sought out unsuspecting/unwilling women, manipulated them into isolated locations and then coerced them into sex. No matter how many legal definitions of rape these men’s self-confessed behaviour met, to them it wasn’t really rape because they didn’t jump out of the bushes with a knife.

Ideally, we’d all have the social nous to be able to identity whether the person we’re trying to hook up with actually wants to be hooking up with us - things like body language and enthusiastic participation can be useful giveaways. But I know that this isn’t easy for everyone, especially when both parties are wasted.

So here’s a good rule of thumb. If you’re have even a glimmer of doubt that the person you’re trying to have sex with might not want to have sex with you, ask them. It doesn’t need to be earnest or overly PC - it could equally be hot and breathy in the midst of passionate making out. If they say no - or if they mumble, slur or don’t say anything at all - well, you have your answer. Back off.

If they say yes, well then - good times to you both. And use a condom!

(Image via diegueno, The Lighthouse)

Related:

Related: Reblogged: No words for what hurts
Kyle, Jackie, Matthew Johns and the most innocent of victims
It’s been difficult to know what to write about last week’s Four Corners
“But women don’t rape!” Sexual pressure, rejection and the male sex drive discourse

Elsewhere: American guy in Paris freed from the idea of “consent” (Jezebel)
“One-time bad decisions” that rapists keep on repeating (Hoyden About Town)
Your definition of “anti-sex” is not like mine(Feministe)

(via flapjackstate)