Musings of an Inappropriate Woman

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"Sex doesn’t have to define us. He’s male, but he likes looking like a girl. What else might be true of him? Perhaps he’s studying electrical engineering, but has also taken courses in archaeology and philosophy. He’s a fine tennis player. His favourite novelist is Dostoevsky. He’s a good listener. He is right of centre on the economy - and would like to see tax cuts. He is critical of government subsidies for the arts. He loves dancing, but at home he enjoys Bach. When he graduates he’s planning to take a holiday to the north of France to see the cathedrals. He’s good at saving money and likes to follow the stock market. His sister is a corporate lawyer. Mostly, he gets on quite well with his parents. Sex doesn’t have to define us.”
Alain de Botton talks the sex myth without knowing it, in his new book Art As Therapy. 
Image by Nan Goldin, ’Cody in the Dressing Room at Boy Bar,’ NYC, 1991.

"Sex doesn’t have to define us. He’s male, but he likes looking like a girl. What else might be true of him? Perhaps he’s studying electrical engineering, but has also taken courses in archaeology and philosophy. He’s a fine tennis player. His favourite novelist is Dostoevsky. He’s a good listener. He is right of centre on the economy - and would like to see tax cuts. He is critical of government subsidies for the arts. He loves dancing, but at home he enjoys Bach. When he graduates he’s planning to take a holiday to the north of France to see the cathedrals. He’s good at saving money and likes to follow the stock market. His sister is a corporate lawyer. Mostly, he gets on quite well with his parents. Sex doesn’t have to define us.”

Alain de Botton talks the sex myth without knowing it, in his new book Art As Therapy.

Image by Nan Goldin, ’Cody in the Dressing Room at Boy Bar,’ NYC, 1991.

On choosing vs being chosen
Came across this yesterday in some old “notes to self” for my book chapter on desire, which in practice talks very little about me and a whole lot about other people.
The more I think back on my history of feeling undesirable, the more I think that it isn’t that people didn’t desire me, so much as it is that I was distinctly uncomfortable with the social dynamic that says that men are the choosers and women are the “chosen” ones. I wanted to be chosen, because it would be an act of affirmation, but I also wanted to choose who I was with. I definitely did notwant to be with someone I had not chosen.
It was not a deliberately “feminist” move on my part, but simply that I wanted to have some say in what my sex and relationships life looked like. What I didn’t like about being “chosen” is that it left me feeling, in the words of Cher Horowitz, “impotent and out of control”.

On choosing vs being chosen

Came across this yesterday in some old “notes to self” for my book chapter on desire, which in practice talks very little about me and a whole lot about other people.

The more I think back on my history of feeling undesirable, the more I think that it isn’t that people didn’t desire me, so much as it is that I was distinctly uncomfortable with the social dynamic that says that men are the choosers and women are the “chosen” ones. I wanted to be chosen, because it would be an act of affirmation, but I also wanted to choose who I was with. I definitely did notwant to be with someone I had not chosen.

It was not a deliberately “feminist” move on my part, but simply that I wanted to have some say in what my sex and relationships life looked like. What I didn’t like about being “chosen” is that it left me feeling, in the words of Cher Horowitz, “impotent and out of control”.

Hey there, I participated in your interviews for your book as was wondering what was happening with it and such? I hope it is going well and would like to know if or when something will be coming out? Take care, hope to hear from you soon

Asked by
likemetoyou

Book is coming along well! I submitted at the end of March, now I’m working through edits, and I’m glad to say that my editor and I are very much on the same page (ahem). I can’t give you an exact publishing date right now, but I’m hoping mid-late 2014 (big publishers generally have at least a 9-12 month lead time on publishing once the manuscript is in final form). In the meantime, you can check out the TEDx talk I gave a few months back here, if you’re interested.

PS Now I’m trying to figure out who you are, based on your Tumblr.